Friday, October 26, 2012

Fall Fun

I took my babies to the zoo and we had a chance to just sit and play in the leaves. Just a wonderful time of the year. I can feel so much energy in it. With Halloween and the seasons change, just a great time. Honey was able to make it with us while home, and it made it that much more special for everyone! The zoo had some new changes as well, with the introduction of new cubs and a new Sea Lion pup. And of course, stopping to take a look at the seasonal changes at the barn! So much beauty out there! Love love love this time of year!!

Here are loads of photos! :)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

posting photos of my kids

Not a good post tonight. Actually a bit agitated and angry. I'm trying to be nice, but I don't know how far this will go.

I honestly do not care who my ex sees. We are ex's for a reason. I have my love and my future. He can see who he so chooses.

What I can't tolerate is some girl he just met on some dating website meeting my kids and then posting photos of them online!! THAT.. that I can not take!! I don't know her, she doesn't know my kids...and who is to say she doesn't have some pedophile who likes little boys on her page. NO THANK YOU!! Keep photos of MY BOYS off your page. If not, Mama Bear and her claws will come out... and I'm at my point. Hell.. I have told friends not to post photos of my kid's online for that specific reason! And I have reported photos of my kids for that reason on other pages! They are MY kids... they are not their's to share! Bad enough my ex has photos of my kids posted that I can not see. I am scared to know that they are them in bathing suites or such! Too many nut cases out there that enjoy little kids! And so easy to find photos. I keep photos of my babies limited now due to that!!

But anyway...

The boys didn't come in contact with Bryan as a permanent part until it was sure he was just that. Now that we're getting married, he will be around the boys for the rest of their lives! I'm not OK with some girl that may disappear in another month being thrust upon my boys on their VERY LIMITED time with their father. The guy that can barely call the boys! But OK with what limited time he has, to bring some girl he just met to be a part. Why not take time to get to know your kids! Do you know what your son's favorite food is? How about what scares them? Oh, that's right, it's easier to just blame me and say you didn't ask for it! You might not have...but you also haven't taken a single ounce of care to try and be a part of their lives since!! Just doing what your parents think you should. Other wise he would make sure they were not even a part. He already told me he regretted them because they reminded him of me. I don't regret them, even if they were a part of him! He wasn't a good spouse, but I don't blame my boys! Those 2 are my heart and soul... and with their sister.. my world!! Regardless of who their daddy's are... I hate being away from them for a second! And I'm protective.. VERY PROTECTIVE! And unless I know you, don't act like you know my kids!

Even when we were together... he couldn't clean up after them. He locked JD in the pack n play.. while Ptolemy was just a couple months old, so couldn't move! While what.. he played video games. He didn't try picking up or helping... didn't have a job so that wasn't an excuse. Nope. NO excuse.. but I'm the bad guy. But whatever... that's beside the point. Also what negatives happened between us that other's don't know... but I'm the bad guy. Fine! Whatever... but keep my babies out of it! I'll take being the bad guy, if it means they are protected! They do not get some f*&K buddy posting photos of them!!

And with that... Since learning of this... I have worked hard on teaching the boys the importance of good and bad touch. The importance of when someone you don't know comes close and so much else. And JD is quickly learning how to call mommy! I don't know her, I don't know who she knows.. and come hell and high water, I don't trust ANYONE with my boys. And a man that is more concerned with impressing his new girl, will NOT be using my kids as some ploy to look like a good mate. The man who hasn't been around, has very rarely paid for them, and even less has bothered to contact them. Yea. Great father figure there. The Step-father calls from deployments and skypes with them at all hours! Why.. he shows a sign of actually caring!! But 'he's' the bad guy! Screw that! My mood.. very very very annoyed right now! And this mommy's protective claws have come out in super form! And if it continues.. I won't be so nice!

With that.. I sing off. I'm seeing red! Some might thing it's not such a big deal. But I do. This is my kids..who I work hard to protect and I am the one they depend on when things go wrong. When they hurt, they call me. When they fear monsters, they call me in the night! How am I suppose to protect them from the monsters that may occur when they are not with me, when the other person that is *suppose* to protect them... seems to be failing! Their own step dad sees the issue with this, but father.. he could care less. it's his girlfriend!!!!!?????!!!!!


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Missing my men...

It's hard when the boys go away to visit with their dad. As much as I could use the occasional break; I really don't like not knowing what they are up to, what they are eating, and just all the little points of their day. I'm trying to be not so batty when they are gone. But I go to their room and see empty beds. Even with Kaitlyn home, the house is just too eerily quiet. My middle of the night routine gets thrown off, when I walk into their rooms to do another tuck and a kiss while they are sleeping. Just everything seems... un-natural! I know other separated mom's go through the same thing, but it's so difficult. When does it get easier?? Ever?

I did get some work done, and finished off 2 papers I needed to get out of the way. Kaitlyn and I also got some cuddle time in. But even she notices. She gets out of her crib and the first place she goes is into JD's rooming calling his name. She moves on to Ptolemy's..and heads downstairs. When she finds out they aren't here, I can expect one of two responses. She either looks at me and says all gone and sits down to quietly play by herself and look really sad and lonely, or she has a complete breakdown and cries for a good amount of time, and then this is followed by sadly playing.

So the house is just not the same without them! I miss the random "what you doing mommy" and the "I want juice"... as much as they can annoy me. But when I don't hear them, that is worse!

Tonight's phone conversation with JD entailed.. "How you doing? I'm ok... see you soon, and here's X, Y or Z." Not sure he's ready to come home yet, but I know this Mommy is. But it is hard to compete with the place you go to visit.. when there are no real "rules" and it seems like it is always playtime. They don't see him for as long as I do, so it's 'go, go, go' and 'play, play, play'...while mommy has some rules and bed times. We don't always get to go all over or get whatever we want. Maybe some day he'll get to understand that... I can home... but for now. Mommy's the bad guy that makes him be a good boy, and Daddy... well he let's him watch super hero movies and play in the basement. Some how I can't matter how many times I run to his side when he has a nightmare or is sick, how many boo boo's I kiss, or how much I love them more then any amount of words could possibly explain... I'm just not as good... and frankly, it hurts!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Pumpkin Patch

Pumpkins pumpkins every where!!

Today was a bit busy, but it was a good day, and ended with everyone in bed early! Well, everyone but Mommy!

Had to run to the bank to cash a check from school before taking JD to school. Then after we dropped him off so he could learn "E is for Emergency" day, Kaitlyn, Ptolemy and I ran to another bank to make deposits, then to the garage to get the wipers in the van looked at, then ran over to payless to get everyone new schools. Got back to pick up JD from school just in time. :)

Decided we were going all out for today, so we went and got some junk fast food for lunch, and headed up into the mountains to head to the pumpkin patch and check out what leaves are remaining. Leaves were in limited supply as we got a little further into the Adirondack park due to a hard frost last night, but it still was a beautiful ride!

We went to the pumpkin patch first. Let the little ones out and they ran picking out every pumpkin they saw. Kaitlyn was super cute, being her first year getting to do this! JD had a slight issue standing on the farmer's pumpkins and refusing to apologize, he had to sit out for a bit. Evil mommy, I know!! But they got to pick out pumpkins and some Indian Corn, and had a good time just running around. We went to this one last year, and I think it's going to be one of our little traditions. :)

We made it home around 5, had a simple dinner, and everyone crashed shortly after. So much so, that I even crashed on the couch for a little bit, but woke up to get my school work done!

Now to think of what the next fun trip will be. Maybe the zoo? That would be a nice ride this time of year. And I think we'll do the museum next week. Possibly the art museum. .... ideas, ideas!

Some photos of our fun:

Monday, October 8, 2012

Three little monsters...

The joy of having 3 so close... they are close, but they learn from each other, and that is not always the good stuff. Whatever JD does, the younger two will emulate! They look up to him so much, and he could care less as long as he gets the attention. Definitely makes for moments of melt your heart, and moments of ripping your hair out.

Today was a great mix of both!

 I've limited the amount of TV time in the house. The kids had started to become fixated on it. Just sitting in front of it, not wanting to play inside or out when it was on. No matter what it was. If I was watching a cooking show, they were transfixed on it and barely blinking. And if you tried talking to them, well you got nothing! Not even a slight turn of the head. So, I told everyone they get about an hour in the morning, and maybe an hour of cartoons after dinner, before story. Usually our morning hour is Seasame Street. So as they came in and settled at my feet in the living room, since they feel the couch is too far and I won't let them stand at the tv, Kaitlyn came running in and sat down right between the boys. They all smiled and I was like, this is awesome. They love each other! About 5 minutes later, Kaitlyn got up and moved so she could sit between JD's legs and laid her head back on him. It was the cutest most adorable moment that I will carry in my mind, but couldn't get the camera for. All on her own, no instigating or talking into. And just as she leaned back, JD put his arm around her and hugged her! *melt* This only lasted about another minute, but it was the cutest 2 minutes ever. Then Kaitlyn and Ptolemy started doing random leaning on each other, and then rough house playtime began. Haha.

Then we're down to the ripping hair out moments. JD can be a bit of a bully. He knows he is older and bigger, and he uses that to tell his brother and sister what to do. Sometimes it's just be vocal, other times it's with force. I step in, and he doesn't acknowledge mommy is in charge. Ptolemy sees this, and does it to his sister. Today he was upset that Kaitlyn had the play hammer, and pulled her down the stairs face first in order to rip it from her hands. Then, there is JD's screaming. He enjoys doing it to be loud, well Kaitlyn thinks this is AWESOME and she now does it. Oye! And since he feels left out, Ptolemy will join in. So I get a nice chorus... it's so entertaining!

But I can see it all already. They are siblings, and they do love and adore each other. They can beat on each other .... but Gods help anyone that tries to mess with any of them, for the other two won't have it! If you punish one, one of the others will say "you can't yell at my brother/sister." And if they are out, they are sure to keep an eye. Granted, Ptolemy and Kaitlyn are the closest. We walk anywhere, those two have to hold hands! Such sweet moments...

So as they grown, I know I'm going to have many moments... but I'm already anticipating that moment where I'm like awwww with steam coming out... you know that moment.. the moment that the school calls... "Excuse me, Ms. S. There was a fight at school!" "Which one was it".... "ALL THREE!" Yup, I know when one gets in trouble, they ALL will get in trouble... TOGETHER! Which will be great for them as they grow!