A long vent

I know I have A TON to update to make some of this make sense..but I just need to get this out now.

I am probably just in a mood. But who knows. I'm so upset, so agitated, anxious and FRUSTRATED!! gaah.gif I'll appologize now..b/c I know this is going to be long and maybe a bit bouncy...starting with baby stuff and who knows where it will end. :(

I had a check-up with my OB today, and I feel like he just seriously doesn't care. gaah.gif Now, I guess I should expect some flippansy since it is a clinc type setting b/c I have medicaid right now with Sam not having a job. (Another vent in itself!) But I seriously feel like nothing is being checked. I honestly feel like there is no difference then if I just sat home until the end regardless.

I went today, and was in the office for over an hour..but spent all of 2 minutes with the doctor. He didn't check the baby, didn't ask me anything. When I mentioned some of my concerns..he just kind of brushed them aside. Told me I was pretty much paranoid. :(

I've been having some very strong pain on my left side (and we're talking..intense and crying pain even when I'm sitting still) for the last couple of days, and yesterday/this morning had a lot of extra fluid leaking. Brought it up to him and without even letting me finish explaining, said I probably pulled the round ligament and I'm peeing myself!! I mentioned the contractions..and was told...IT'S TOO EARLY!!! gaah.gif Has he NOT looked at my chart!!! With JD they stopped my labor starting at 25 weeks!!

And then there is THAT!! We have a MAJOR disagreement about dates. To some 7 days is not much..but in terms of needing a c/s and a history of pre-term..I think that is A LOT. He is basing the dates off an early u/s that was done when I lost the twin...which of course was measuring a bit behind. I tell him that I don't agree with the dates..and he said HE IS THE DOCTOR and he believes the u/s. Well...that's fine.... know I didn't get a degree in OB...but I didn't KNOW YOU COULD GET A POSITIVE PG TEST THE DAY YOU CONCEIVE!!!! gaah.gif Add to it all my u/s now the baby is measuring a couple days ahead of MY stated due date. If the baby is supposedly a week behind that..then this baby is measuring almost 2 weeks early. Shouldn't that be a concern too!!

I'm just sooo upset over all of this. I want to enjoy the pregnancy..but how can I when I feel like it's not being monitored correctly. We know I have a history of cervical issues and JD started to come within the next couple weeks. So how can he just be so flippant about the contractions, pain and such. I know each pregnancy is different....but come on!!! It just makes me totally miss my old ob. He was soooo great!! He even called when I wasn't going into the office to see how things were going with THIS PG. I am just sooo glad I had him for JD's pregnancy..b/c I can only imagine what could have happened to him if I hadn't!!! :crying

Add to all of this. I'm just soooo frustrated with Sam not having a job and having a family of 3 living out of a room. He has put in a GRAND TOTAL of 2 applications since he got let go in November. TWO!?!?! He put in one, didn't get it. Then this new one appeared..and he put in for it. I can only PRAY he gets it. B/c I don't know what we will do. It really adds to the stress with not knowing. Unemployment runs out in June, when this baby is due! If he does get this job..then we need to find a place near it, move...etc. And it starts in May. Not the best of timing. And Sam just doesn't seem to get why I'm soooooo frustrated!!

Can I please cry and curl up in a ball somewhere and just get lost for a bit!! I'm in pain, I'm upset, frustrated, and I feel like I have no where/no one to turn to!! :crying