Kaitlyn

And we could never forget the Princess! I can't believe how much she has grown in such a short time period. She's caught up to her brothers in so much. I was looking forward to having a baby for a little bit more, but she is more like me then good, and had her own plans!

She was sitting up by 5 months, crawling by 6 1/2 months, started walking at 11 months, and officially gave up crawling at 12 months! Now at 14 months, she climbs everything, goes up and down the stairs and runs after her brothers! Boy does she LOVE those two!! When they go away for the weekend, she runs around the house calling their name the whole time! The biggest squeals of delight are saved for first thing in the morning when those boys wake up and join her!

But she is such a stubborn child. She refused to eat around 8 months, turns out she didn't want me to feed her any longer. Gave her some cut up food that we were eating, and she went to town. Now she won't eat unless she has her fork!!

She's also started potty training! I think for her it was from having older brothers, but also due to all her allergy issues. If Ptolemy has one, Kaitlyn has them all! The poor girl has a dairy allergy, has Celiacs, can't have peanuts and who knows what else we will find! She also has a muscle enzyme issue that we are evaluating. *sigh*

She's starting to talk up a storm too: Mama, Dada, JD, Tati, doggie, kit tie, diaper, juice, cheese, and a few others!

The development of children still amaze me! All three had their own timeline and developed different aspects at different times. But all are so smart! Kaitlyn is a mini me. She's very nature oriented! Can be a tad moody! But boy can that little girl be a little love bug! She LOVES to sit on my feet, whether when I'm sitting on the couch, washing dishes or doing work! She will randomly run up and give me hugs and blow me kisses! She just recently stopped needing me to rock her to sleep, and as great a moment it was, I kind of miss it. It was one of the few moments in the day that was just "ours."

But as she grows, she'll always be my Princess! I wonder what other adventures she'll take on. But one thing is certain, she's going to go wherever her brother's go!!

Ptolemy

Ahhh, my Ptolemy. My once such a cuddle bug, turned 2 year old terror!! I adore that little boy. He really is my cuddle bug, but boy he can get my blood going quicker then his brother can! Mainly, because he does everything JD does, even if I say no! I keep saying he's two, and he is. He's finding his independence ... but not with everything. Haha. He still doesn't want to dress himself, and he's such a lazy bug!

Ptolemy would allow me to carry his bum everywhere if I would. We went to the orchard a few weeks ago, and that little boy sat in the wagon between trees.. and the trees were about 3 feet apart!! When we go for hikes, he ends up on my back half way through a short hike. He'd sit in one spot all day if I let him, haha. Even when we play in the yard, he finds his digging or car spot and we sit there. UNLESS, mommy pulls out the ride on... then he'll run to play with that. It only exerts a finger push! ;) Yup, love my little lazy bum!

He's a pretty smart boy. himself. He knows so much, and has for so long. You can ask him anything, and he'll point to it and answer in his own way. He's just having a small issue with his speech. He's had his speech evaluation done, and they acknowledged that there is a problem, but since he is so responsive and smart, there is nothing they can do at his age. He still has communication ability. They had his ears tested, which came back normal. So the next step is in January he becomes eligible for pre-school speech therapy. They said it looks like it is a low muscle tone issue in his jaw causing an inability to actually form the words. So for now, he gets regular muscle massages in his jaw. I need to get him one of the vibrating toothbrushes to help stimulate his gums and jaw. We work to make him try to sound out some of his words, but they said it will take some work. He's had so many symptoms of this, so it will be good to help him in so many ways. Eating will be easier, less drooling and so much more!

He's doing well with everything else health wise, except for the poor boy has allergies! Looks like it might be to the wipes on his face, but he is allergic to tomatoes and dairy. Makes meal time interesting!

So with all of this growth, that little boy is growing stubborn as well! He loves when we go to the Y and he can go to swim class and play with kids. But boy, if he wants to do something and you say no, be prepared for the wrath of Ptolemy! He is surely living up to that name of his!! But my favorite thing, he is such a wonderful brother to both his brother and sister. He loves those two! He loves playing with them. If one of them trips or gets hurt, he'll run over and ask if they are ok and offer hugs. It's so cute!

He'll always be my baby boy, but he too, is growing up on me. He's already looking to go to school. When we take JD, he asks me the whole time where JD is and is so excited to go pick him up. I wonder how he'll do though when it is just him. He doesn't like if he goes to play with kids alone at the Y, so we'll see. But for now, I'm enjoying watching my baby boy find his own footing. If only his older brother didn't have so much influence!

John-Douglas

JD is growing leaps and bounds. I look at him and I can not believe the little boy that he has become. I can still see the baby I held so long ago, but I see the little man he has become. He has such a strong personality and so intelligent! The stuff that he comes up with, I stare and wonder where it came from. "Mommy, that stop sign is an octagon!" "Mommy, animals that eat plants are herbivores!" What 3 1/2 year old knows these things!

My big boy started Pre-school this year. He only goes 2 days a week, but he loves going! He's enjoying getting to play with other kids, and he does love to learn. There are days I have to pull him out of there screaming... other kids scream at drop off! Haha. We only had one of those days! He enjoys his crafts, getting to play with the kids and then learning all the new stuff.

He finally fully potty trained around the beginning of August, and has been doing amazing with it. Can go on car trips, over night and swimming without any accidents. It was such a difficult road, and I almost thought it never would happen, but he just woke up one day, and it was done!

He is very strong willed though. He will tell you what is on his mind, and if there is something he wants, well he will do it! There are days I love this about him, and days it makes me cringe, bite my tongue and take deep breaths!

But with it all, I love that little man. I can see so much in him, and I stand in wonder every day at what he learns, how he learns and what the future holds. When my little "man of the house" is away, I feel out of sorts. He's taken on the role and loves being a bit bossy as of late. This is one thing we have to work on.

Sadly, when I look at him... I can see that my baby is no longer a baby. He has lost all his baby features. He looks so much older then most kids his age, and he stands over a head taller then all the kids in his class. I miss those baby checks, but the one thing I love most.. he still loves when his mommy kisses his nose! I'm sure when he's in his teens, that won't be the case...so for now, I'll cherish every impromptu hug and kiss, every nose kiss and every "I love you Mommy!"

3 1/2 already... where has the time gone!!!

As they grow

As my babies grow, I learn more! I can see the person that they are, and I have to learn that they are a person of themselves. I can work to teach them, but they still will have their own desires and wishes. They will still do things that they enjoy. It's been such a joy to watch them all develop into this. At times, it has definitely been tough! JD has a very strong personality, and he sadly did get my stubborn streak. He won't let me persuade him one way or the other! Ptolemy, he's slowly learning that he can say no, that he can make his own choices. I'm glad he is starting to learn this, but at some points I wish he would learn the difference between points mommy will argue, and times when mommy says something for his safety! Then Kaitlyn! Oh boy! She may be the baby, but man oh man is she a miniature version of me, and she has more sass than her brothers ever wished to have. At 14 months, she already stomps her foot and will do what she wants regardless. It's kind of cute to see the little arms cross, but I'm sure I won't think so soon enough!

I have had to learn to work on my patience in dealing with this. I have to take that step back and let them learn and choose choices for themselves. Some things this is a lot easier to do. Letting JD go through his dresser and pick out his own clothes for one. (Just remove the non-seasonal clothes! ;) ) And to not hover over them when they play! I let them play in the playroom while I do school work in the next room. Easily within ear shot, but not dictating how they play. I can see then grow.. and this is hard. I miss my babies.. and these 3 are not that. They are children, with their own personalities and dreams!

I also have had to learn that they still need mommy on some things, but in a different way. I'll learn with them. We'll learn this together! But I have to learn that even though JD is 3 1/2, Kaitlyn is only 14 months! There are things that JD can do, that Kaitlyn isn't ready for... and neither is Ptolemy! But in the same sense, JD is ONLY 3 1/2!! He's not a baby, but he's still a little boy! One that has a lot to learn, and Mommy will learn the right speed with him! But they need to slow down a little for me. Mommy is not ready to have my babies grow up!

So we'll learn this together! I'll work with them to grow in the best for them! And as they grow, I'll grow too!

I am me

Life here has been eventful, but I am glad to be on the trail I'm on. Life throws things at you, and you have to learn to adjust to it and move on. Took some time to do that, but I've found my footing again. I have found my voice, set my priorities to where they belong, and now I'm re-establishing me.

For so long, I let the perception of others dictate who I was or how I should look and be. While growing up, it was how my parents and others at school saw me. I was the "goody good girl" who was great in school, never broke the rules and did what she was told. I'm proud of what I did and have no regrets. But that is also how everyone saw me. I had my small group of friends and was happy with them. Moved on to college, stayed home at first b/c that was what my parents wanted. It was not what I wanted to do, and was miserable the whole time there. Moved away, and made some new friends that were younger. Had kids, and most of the people I became "friends" with were mom's. I still have a couple of my old friends, but not many any longer. I've accepted it as a part of growing up and moving on. The "mom friends" I've developed, we'll get to that...

I continued to follow the idea of what others would like me to be. Got into the "stable" relationship, got married and had children. I took on that role that was acceptable, with a guy that was "acceptable" to most. But that relationship got harped on by some, and it caused a lot of negativity between us. His family and mine did not approve of us, and constantly put their 2 cents in to what would "help." Comments of "leave him... leave her...he's lazy...she's a B*" and so on and so forth. We welcomed on our children, but when things caused us to return closer to the negativity, our relationship quickly fell apart. I turned in to myself, he turned into his video games. I took on the role of a mother to 3 boys, not just my 2 babies... and had no help. It hurt, and I saw the end. Where my priorities lied with raising my family, his did not seem to mimic mine. Maybe it had a lot to do with addressing his own fears from losing his job, but he never shared those. Instead the fighting got worse, we talked about splitting up for months... and the negativity was affecting our boys. I finally just turned away completely, he wasn't listening, he wouldn't accept it was over, and I couldn't stand dealing with it all on my own. I didn't want to break the old perception of the great daughter, wife, mother and friend that everyone had... but was I suppose to stay in a love-less relationship living like my parents had. I saw what it did to them and my brother and I. Since we both realized this, our 'relationship' has gotten that much better.

My ex and I are not together, but we do what we must for our boys. We can talk without fighting, we can be around the other, and we can accept that we make better friends then we ever did as a couple. Was it like that from the start? Oh no... that took a lot of fights and emotional outpourings to get to this point! Some fights were downright hostile, but all ended with a true outpouring of emotions that pointed to why things got heated and hostile to start with. Do we 'love' each other? I think that will always be the case. We just are not "in love" with each other! That is a big difference, and pretty important! So as long as we can talk and communicate and do what is best for our kids, everyone will be happier. Just as long as no outside forces act to ruin that aspect! For the sake of our boys, I hope that will remain the case!! I will always claim the importance of the boys to have their dad in their lives, even if there is another male figure. Their dad is their dad, and I will never work to harm or negatively affect that!

It was at this point when looking for somewhere to turn for emotional support, that I realized many of the old friends that were "friends" were really not that. They were 'there' but didn't care to be an ear or someone to vent to. I had Lem, who has and will always be, my best girl! Soph was there, but we lived miles apart, but she was always an ear. And then an old dear friend came in from the past, and we re-established our life long friendship that began when I was 5 and she was 3! But also, my best guy friend from years and years re-entered the picture. He was willing to listen to it all. We spoke for hours on the computer after I had put the kids to bed.

So I decided it was time to start really focusing on what was important, my kids and me. And in order to make them happy, I also had to be happy! Regardless of how others would see me... No longer the perfect one.. now the divorced one, the daughter who followed her own dreams and so forth.

I said I would discuss the "mom friends" I had made. Joined a great group of women online when I was expecting. Formed some great relationships and it was great having a place to turn to when things were confusing, scary and so forth when being a new mom. But with all things, nothing is set to be forever, and we have all slowly lost touch. We stayed on in a group on FB, but a fight with one of the 'admin' girls in the group, after standing up for one of my own!, made me the outcast. But that is ok, because the true friends have remained on in my private life, and the ones that were just there, well they have gone on their way. Do I miss the chatty friendship we had, of course. But I learned early on in life, and this proved it to remain true...get a bunch of women together, you're going to have drama... and in large doses. Some just need that much attention, but they enjoy it when it is negative attention as in it seems like someone is always out to get them. I saw the attacks from the other side, and should have known to leave them, but I didn't. And then it became my turn. But in all honesty, since leaving that group, I've noticed the negativity of things have dropped drastically!

I entered into a relationship that my family didn't approve of! Not because I had been married before, but because of the color of his skin. Magically the guy that I needed to leave and had been worthless and lazy before, became the perfect man to my parents. But I didn't, and still don't care. I did fall in love with that man. The one who was there when everyone else wasn't. A time when everyone knew what was going on, but chose to tell me what I should do, but not support me when I followed through with it. A man who went into a relationship with a woman with 2 kids, and took them on as his own in terms of how he cares about them. They are not his by birth, but by Gods he'd be there for them through everything! He's driven 4 hours to spend a few hours sitting in the hospital with one of them when they had a fever. He has checked on them in the middle of the night, helped ease fears, picked them up when they have fallen off their bikes, and called them regularly while he's away on military obligations. He loves those boys as much as he loves our daughter. There is no difference to him! That, just makes me love him just that much more!!

 So... with that all.. lots of rambling, bouncing around and what have you... I've laid it out. I am me!! This has been what it has been... I'm still a mommy! My babies are my world.. the center of it for that matter. I'm a stay at home mom to my babies, and would not have it any other way. I just happen to be lucky enough to have someone willing to put his own life on the line (and in the literal sense of the word) and more, to afford me this luxury. I work with what I can from home to support us. I follow my own spiritual path which has helped me gain peace. I've stopped listening to what others feel I 'should' be doing. Instead, I trust my own instincts! What I feel is right for them and for us. I'm finding myself again, and finding my happiness! I have my 3 babies, 2 little Princes and a Princess! A man that loves me for me and would do anything for me and ours. I have some true friends that have remained and shown they are true, and a family that though were disapproving before, have shown they do love me. They have learned I may not listen to everything they say, I'm smart enough to figure out what is best. They are coming around and starting to accept and consider him part of the family. My honey's family has accepted us all... and my ex and I have come to terms!

 Am I where I thought I would have been years ago... or in the fairy tale I dreamed of as a little girl?? NO!!! But really, this reality is turning out to be a better fairy tale then any I had dreamed of!

Getting back

Now that things are slowly falling into place and I have a routine semi-established, I'm hoping to be able to find time to get back to this. I love writing about my family, so I have the memories, but also as a way to have a chance to express myself and my feelings about everything. I also had to wait for other circumstances to settle, and I'm hoping that now that things have *adjusted* with my ex and his family, I can have less worries of the stalking I encountered before. What I write is written for me and those that choose to follow what is going on in our lives or in something that struck a chord in my head. And that is all we're going to say about that!

 So...for anyone that has remained, hey! Anyone new, hi. Things will be up and writing! Looking forward to getting a chance to write again! So you'll see family things, what it's like to raise a mixed family (in more ways then one) and a few posts about incorporating my religious path with how I raise my family. Let the good times begin! :)

It was meant to be....

So I had been planning my Mabon activities for about a month. I knew I wanted to take my babies to the apple orchard. Originally it was going to be my 3 little ones and my honey, but the army calld him away. So then I worried about handling 3 ( 3 1/2, 2 and 14 months) little ones around the orchard by myself. Decided I was still going to do it. Then 2 days ago the weather turned and said it was suppose to pour all day long. I was bummed, but decided to let it go. Last night I asked for just a couple hours to get them out to the orchard. 

Woke up this morning and it hadn't started to rain yet, and within an hour it started to get sunny. Went outside to take the dogs out and realized it was a very comfortable and breazy day! Perfect weather! The weather channel still said rain. So I got them ready, but we had other errands to do before. Finally headed out to the orchard at 1, and the sun was out and it was beautiful! We got to pick apples, pick up a few fall things (mini pumpkins, gourds, hay bale and some cider). I've been going to this orchard for years, but this year they added a tractor ride around the property(for a $1 for me, kids free! Got to ride on a giant wagon pulled by a real farmers tractor, the kids were in HEAVEN!!), a corn maze (Which my kids picked some of the old corn and had fun running through) and giant hay bales for the kids to climb! We got to do it all, ran around the farm and my kids were amazing! Sometimes they can be such handfuls and don't listen, but today they just were perfect!!! Not one didn't listen or was bad in the slightest! So we had an amazing day... got home around 4, brought them into the house, and the second the door shut (and I am NOT exaggerating about that!!) the rain came POURING down!!! The Gods truly listened and gave us such an amazing and wonderful day! The kids had so much fun, and we LOVED every moment of it!! Such wonderful sweet memories! The only one missing was my honey, but soon enough! But for sure, this will be our yearly Mabon activities!

And as we left the orchard... JD shouted out... "Good night Trees, thank you!!" What a true blessing I was given today..and I'm more then thankful!! 

Some photos to share! Hope you enjoy! :)